You'll Get It or You Won't

   Within the last week, 2 of my favorite writers have passed away, and I have been quite simply, distraught. If you are a reader, you will understand. To put it in perspective, these two ladies are two of the three authors of whom I have always purchased hardcover books, full price. Hardcovers today run about $25. Dorothea Benton-Frank wrote 19 novels. So that tells you how invested I have been in her career. And I am really sad that 19 is the limit. Anne Rivers-Siddons wrote a non-fiction that I did not read, but I read all 19 of her novels, again, buying them in hardcover. Ray even bought one for me one time as a surprise because he saw it at the mall when he was working in New Orleans before I could get it. This was before Amazon Prime. That shows how much I adored her, even my non-book reading husband recognized her name and bought me her book.

   Last year, Amanda drove me to New Orleans with my mom, and I got to meet Dorothea Benton-Frank, who was releasing a new book, and was awaiting her new grandchild. She was so excited, and was a delight to talk to. The gathering was small, so it really felt like I got to have a conversation with her, and we discussed her writing process. It was such a cool evening, and I will never forget meeting her.

   The first book I read by Anne Rivers-Siddons was called Outer Banks and I read it on a trip with my mother-in-law to Florida. She was not my MIL at the time, but my boyfriend's mom, and we had a great time. It was our first road trip together by ourselves, and since we both liked to read, that's what we did in the evenings. We piled up in our hotel room, and read. I had grabbed a new book at Sam's and found myself intrigued by a new favorite author.

   If you read a lot, fiction or non fiction, you begin to learn about the author. Even before we could follow the writer's private lives on Facebook and Twitter, there were the little bios on the back flap. And you learned about them by their style, their word usage, and their choice of topics. I really felt like I knew these two ladies. Even though I was only given the edited glimpses into their lives, I am so glad to have been given that. I will miss their work, and I will miss them.

The Things I'm Reading

   I have so much to share about that I will have to ease into blogging with something a little frivolous. But really, it's not frivolous at all because books and reading are what keeps all my spinning  plates from crashing to the floor. So, this is what I've been reading, and what I think about it. Thanks for asking!

1. High Achiever, by Tiffany Jenkins (no relation, lol)
     If you are on FB AT ALL, you've  probably seen some of her super funny yet super accurate videos about family and motherhood today. She is also very vocal about her issues with anxiety, depression, self worth, post-partum depression, just all the things that people DON'T talk about enough.
But High Achiever is about Tiffany's past in the drug world, her time in jail, how she got there, and how she got out. I should mention I got the audio book and it was AHMAZING. Tiffany narrated the book herself, so its really just her telling you her story. And what a story. I just want the follow up story. And I want to see her live. And I want to go hang out at her house. But for now, the book is totally worth it.




2. This Is What You'll Remember, by Holly Waugh
    This is a memoir by a FB friend of my . We were connected by being on a few book launches together, and share a lot of the same friends. When offered the option of helping to launch her new book I jumped at the chance, and I loved it. Her book is so intense and so raw. Holly lays bare the things that have happened to her in her life, and how she not only recovers, but flourishes. anyone can take away something from the beautiful story of redemption no matter where you are in your story.
This Is What You'll Remember: A Memoir by Holly Waugh https://www.amazon.com/dp/1097509044/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_dp_U_x_.6lxDbGZNS2A3 via @amazon

Unresolved relationships: What's on My MInd

   Lately I have been struggling with some unresolved relationships in my life. Not the kind you'd normally think, like my dad's death or anything like that. But the kind where you think you have a certain standing or place in a relationship and then suddenly the relationship is over, or you learn that you are not as important to the other person as you thought. I have always tended to make work-friends that I thought were actually friend-friends, and it took me literally years to learn that some friends at work are just that. Friends at work. And some of my work-friends have been my long time friends and will continue to be. But they are not always the same. And that's a hard lesson, and watching my grown kids learn that lesson is hard too.

   The relationships I am referring to have more to do with outside friendships that just end with no context. "We used to be such close friends," What happened? No idea. When you invest your time and your heart into a relationship, the kind where you do family things, campouts, dinners, babysitting, etc. and then suddenly you never hear from them, that hurts. And I have tried to get over it. I really have. But its a struggle. Because when this happens, our human brains says it is us. We did something, said something. But as my grandmother said, "Sweep your own side of the street.' I think I've swept mine pretty well, and if I did something, I am truly not aware of it. I was supportive, available, and pro-active.

   In hindsight, I can see that this friendship was never really what it should have been anyway. I was pretty good at following through when I committed to something. I was honest. I was there, which in my mind is the key to a good friendship. I often didn't receive the same treatment. Now I see how often I was relegated to the side, inadvertently made to feel less than, and used to bolster an ego when it was never reciprocated.

   After realizing all of this, in the passage of time, you'd think I wouldn't care why this person dropped me like a hot rock. But I do. I want to know if there was any point at which we felt the same levels of friendship. Was I always meant to be a temporary friend? And the dumb questions, why wasn't I good enough? It feels like a breakup where the other person just ghosts you. And it really should not matter that much, but it does matter to me in this case.
 
   Eventually I will let this go, but it really bothers me right now. I've thought about reaching out and just asking, "What's up?", but I don't think it will help. Because of past actions I don't think I'll get an honest answer, which is just as hurtful. So, I'm left to stew in the what-if's. The why didn't I see that befores. I wonder why this all happened and if I could have fixed it even though logically I can see that I could not. One person pouring into a friendship will only work for so long. And then I guess you are left feeling used and stupid, like I feel. And still no resolution.

   

What I'm Reading

     Hi all! I've been MIA for a bit, but I'm constantly updating this blog in my head, so figure that out. A while back I posted about having conversations with people when we disagree. This situation has only intensified as far as social media goes, in my opinion. This makes me hesitant to blog about anything terribly important, because chances are good that someone will have a differing opinion. I'm not afraid of having a different opinion, or even of offending someone, if the position I need to take is worth it, but I don't want to lose friends or followers because we simply see things differently. When I have a strong opinion on something, I will let you know, otherwise, you can assume I am voting, researching, talking about, or reading about the important matters in our lives. I just think there are more things to be gained by using social media as a tool for loving on people than by using it to alienate others. If you need to know where I stand on a topic, ask me. I will tell you.

    SO. Moving on. As I have been doing for a few years now, I have recently participated in 2 new book launches. 

"How The Light Gets In" by Jolina Petersheim is a sort of modern Amish story, based on the book of Ruth in the Bible. In my opinion, very loosely based, but I can see the correlations. I liked it a lot and gave it 5 stars on Goodreads. There are several plot twists that make getting through the first little bit very much worth it. The beginning is a little confusing and slowly paced, but you learn why this is necessary. It was a treat from memoirs, and "self-help" which are what most of my last few launches were. I enjoyed it so much I bought the Audible version.

"A Grateful American" by Gary Sinise. Man. There aren't enough words to describe this book, and the story that has brought "Lt Dan" to the place he is now. I titled my 5 star review, "This book will change your life.", and I stand by that. Gary Sinise was involved in getting Shot Baton Rouge police officer Nick Tullier a wheelchair accessible van, and I have been more aware of him since then. I know the military, and veterans are his heart, but he has a BIG heart, and loves to serve LEO's also. The book is so good, and I hope one day, it becomes it's own movie.

"Can't Make This Stuff Up! Finding the Upside's to Life's Downs" by Susannah B Lewis, known all over the FB as Whoa Susannah is one of the sweetest little things I've read in a while. Her stories are so personal, and you can tell by her writing, that she is sharing her heart with you. As part of her launch team, I received the first 1/3rd or so of the book to read and review. I gave it 5 stars too, because this book feels like sitting down with an old friend, and that can never happen enough. I can hardly wait until April to get the rest of the book!

NOW. I'm starting a new book and study by Lysa Terkeurst "It's Not Supposed To Be This Way- finding unexpected strength when disappointment leaves you shattered" I'm looking forward to learning a bit more about recovering from disappointment, but at the same time, I'm pretty sure it's going to come down to my attitude. That's never fun. But, our goal in life should always be to keep moving forward. 

     So, in closing. Keep your minds open. Keep your books open. Keep your hearts open. Nothing bad can come from being open and communicating with our fellow man. It takes work, but isn't it worth it?