My heritage is a bit Heinz 57. I have German, Polish, American Indian, and who knows what else. While each of these have their perks, except for the Polish, which all I can tell is joke fodder (sorry Granny), what I'd like to be is Italian. At least in two aspects.
One aspect is food. Duh. Who doesn't love Italian food? Anyone who has seen Under The Tuscan Sun, or read the book which is even better, would want to be an Italian cook. And eater of Italian food. And not just pasta. Get a real Italian cookbook and read it, for FUN.
But the main reason I would like to be Italian is the way Italian mothers love. They love outrageously. Loudly. Obnoxiously. All the time, over the top, squeezing til their little heads almost pop off. But the thing is, their children never ever doubt that they are loved. I have struggled with showing physical affection to my children as they have gotten older. As babies, no problem. As teenagers, WTH?! My mother was just not that way with me, and is not now. My sister and I don't hug each other often. My grandmother was not physically demonstrative with my mom or my aunts, as far as I can remember. This was never a reflection of whether she loved them, or how much. She loved them ferociously, just as I know my mom loves us. They were just not taught to show it with hugs and kisses beyond childhood. It's not like it was forbidden or anything like that, it just wasn't done. Unless you were leaving the house.
For some reason, my kids are sort of like puppies. They want you to wrestle, and hug, and drape themselves on me like a polyester shirt. And it bothers me that that bothers me sometimes. I want to relish that physical affection and return it. And squeeze them until their little heads pop off. Just like an Italian mama would. But for now, as with many other things, I will have to settle for recognizing what in my life doesn't work the way I want it to, and fix it. So I hug my puppies and tell them I am proud of them, and when I have had enough, I grab them by the neck and put them in their kennels..... er, rooms.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
How My Life Is A Country Song-- A Good One
Yesterday, a few girlfriends and I took a BADLY needed mental health day off. We loaded up the boat with some drinks, snacks, cd's, and off we went to the river. All kids were accounted for for the entire day, no curfews for the mommies! It was a beautiful day, no traffic on the water. It was perfect.
Until.
We went to move from one location where we had stopped, to another to pickup another girlfriend, and uh, oh. No GO! Batry dead, as we say here. Thus began the odyssey of the return trip. I will summarize thusly: 6 episodes of being towed, 411 attempts to crank a dead batry ('cause dammit, Tammy is no quitter), $20 cash, and a gas can that the 2 guys could have easily split with but didn't (bless you Brandon wherever you are), multiple cases of indecent exposure (and a few of them weren't even Amy!), and some minor trespassing. Greater fun could not have been had!
I was reminded yesterday again how very, very special friends are. I think we can take them for granted if we are not careful because they are just there. But we need to nurture each other and our friendships more. These are the women who are there for me. And I hope I have been and will continue to be there for them. Our spouses are awesome, no doubt, but these relationships need attention sometimes too. Even if they do have to come tow us out of the river in the dark!
Until.
We went to move from one location where we had stopped, to another to pickup another girlfriend, and uh, oh. No GO! Batry dead, as we say here. Thus began the odyssey of the return trip. I will summarize thusly: 6 episodes of being towed, 411 attempts to crank a dead batry ('cause dammit, Tammy is no quitter), $20 cash, and a gas can that the 2 guys could have easily split with but didn't (bless you Brandon wherever you are), multiple cases of indecent exposure (and a few of them weren't even Amy!), and some minor trespassing. Greater fun could not have been had!
I was reminded yesterday again how very, very special friends are. I think we can take them for granted if we are not careful because they are just there. But we need to nurture each other and our friendships more. These are the women who are there for me. And I hope I have been and will continue to be there for them. Our spouses are awesome, no doubt, but these relationships need attention sometimes too. Even if they do have to come tow us out of the river in the dark!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Reflections-- Yep, I'm doing that too.
Today is the 6 year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. And while my story is way less dramatic than some, partts of it are still way too personal to get into yet. Let's just say that I did not lose anyone, my house is intact, FEMA and Farmers Insurance did what they were supposed to for me, and anyhting beyond that is cake.
Some of the things I did learn:
1. If you pull the string out past the first part of resistance, even a girl can start a huge generator. (Thanks, Dego!)
2. Beer pays electric workers.
3. Park your car on your neighbors property. Park theirs on yours, homeowners insurance does not cover yours, but will cover someone elses if a tree falls on it.
**Not responsible for results for legal advice** LOL
4. Car alarms get really annoying after approx 3 hours. 2 hours, ok.
5. MRE hamburgers are the worst. The dog won't eat them.
6. Pull over to cry. Don't do both when there are trees in the road.
7. When hanging your undies on the fence to dry, check for squirrels FIRST.
8. Shampoo smells awesome when you don't have any for a few days, so don't be surprised when people are following you around sniffing you. (right Lynn?)
9. Some days, you just have to cry, and then move on. That's ok.
10. The limit for how long the motorcycle can stay in the kitchen is 30 days. I made this one up.
These rules are flexible for any natural disaster, and can be modified as needed. Hoping our neighbors on the east coast are well.:)
Some of the things I did learn:
1. If you pull the string out past the first part of resistance, even a girl can start a huge generator. (Thanks, Dego!)
2. Beer pays electric workers.
3. Park your car on your neighbors property. Park theirs on yours, homeowners insurance does not cover yours, but will cover someone elses if a tree falls on it.
**Not responsible for results for legal advice** LOL
4. Car alarms get really annoying after approx 3 hours. 2 hours, ok.
5. MRE hamburgers are the worst. The dog won't eat them.
6. Pull over to cry. Don't do both when there are trees in the road.
7. When hanging your undies on the fence to dry, check for squirrels FIRST.
8. Shampoo smells awesome when you don't have any for a few days, so don't be surprised when people are following you around sniffing you. (right Lynn?)
9. Some days, you just have to cry, and then move on. That's ok.
10. The limit for how long the motorcycle can stay in the kitchen is 30 days. I made this one up.
These rules are flexible for any natural disaster, and can be modified as needed. Hoping our neighbors on the east coast are well.:)
Sunday, August 14, 2011
On losses and gains.
This past spring I had about 3 weeks of what seemed like pure loss. My friends and family suffered 3 deaths. A hard aspect of this is that it was a close work friend, a family member on my husbands side and my maternal grandmother, so I had three unconnected support systems. Well, really only 2 but that's another story for another day. These deaths were due to a crazy accident, an illness unknown to most of the family, and the end of a long life lived out. How the ends came is not the point here. I learned from each and am still processing the lessons.
I realized just how much I don't know about my grandmother. After a memorial service that I was so blessed and thankful to be able to get to attend, I spend a few hours hanging out with my aunts and cousins looking at photo albums and talking. We laughed alot and I heard stories that I had never heard before. But the main thing that stood out was some of the pictures. There were pictures of our grandmother on a girls weekend. A girls weekend?? The grandmother who NEVER did anything for herself? Always doing for others? Took time for herself, to enjoy herself? And she was having a blast! Now I wonder what else I did not know. Was our grandfather her first love? How did she feel on her wedding day? Did she ever wish she had more children? Regret never having a son? A million questions and now the time has passed to ask them.
So now I wonder how, and when, and what to tell my kids. What will they want to know about me? Have I shared enough? Too much too soon? Is it too simplistic too hope that a blog can accomplish some of this? Who knows. What I do know is that there will never be as much time as you think there will be. You could live to be 100, and for the ones who love you, it will never be enough.
Ask the questions. Make a margarita or open a bottle of wine if you have to, but talk about some of this stuff. Buy a journal and write it down. They make fill in the blank Dad books, Grandmother books, etc. Buy one of those if you don't know where to start. Just do something.
Think of the two 10 year old girls who lost their fathers this April. Think of the fathers who cannot share their personal history with their kids. I do, and I will. Love you always, Kendall and Wade.
I realized just how much I don't know about my grandmother. After a memorial service that I was so blessed and thankful to be able to get to attend, I spend a few hours hanging out with my aunts and cousins looking at photo albums and talking. We laughed alot and I heard stories that I had never heard before. But the main thing that stood out was some of the pictures. There were pictures of our grandmother on a girls weekend. A girls weekend?? The grandmother who NEVER did anything for herself? Always doing for others? Took time for herself, to enjoy herself? And she was having a blast! Now I wonder what else I did not know. Was our grandfather her first love? How did she feel on her wedding day? Did she ever wish she had more children? Regret never having a son? A million questions and now the time has passed to ask them.
So now I wonder how, and when, and what to tell my kids. What will they want to know about me? Have I shared enough? Too much too soon? Is it too simplistic too hope that a blog can accomplish some of this? Who knows. What I do know is that there will never be as much time as you think there will be. You could live to be 100, and for the ones who love you, it will never be enough.
Ask the questions. Make a margarita or open a bottle of wine if you have to, but talk about some of this stuff. Buy a journal and write it down. They make fill in the blank Dad books, Grandmother books, etc. Buy one of those if you don't know where to start. Just do something.
Think of the two 10 year old girls who lost their fathers this April. Think of the fathers who cannot share their personal history with their kids. I do, and I will. Love you always, Kendall and Wade.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
The following is a series of e-mail and Myspace posts that I wrote when Ray had his wreck. It is sort of a chronological record of his health and progress. I wish I could post all the responses from people, but that's just not possible. Most of you know the more recent news regarding his LEO career, but the return was a post, an so I included it anyway. Here we go!
April 23, 2008
OK. Just so everybody is on the same page, here's the scoop. Please keep in mind that this info is not all definite, just what we think happened based on what people saw. And we can't ask Ray right now...
On Thursday, around 2:30 ish, Ray was riding his motorcycle with some friends. He did have his helmet, gloves, long sleeves, etc on. He had attended a large law enforcement crawfish boil/picnic/training event in Foxworth MS. (right next to the middle of nowhere.) After the event, he and 2 friends were riding to a scenic area that is close called Red Bluffs. Mike got a little ahead of Ray and Shannon. Ray sped up to catch up to Mike, and at the same time that Ray came over a rise in the road, an ambulance came from the opposite way. Ray apparently shifted over for the ambulance and hit Mike. Mike saw him coming and was able to speed up a bit, so the impact was lessened. Mike was not hurt at all, and his bike was not even hurt badly. Ray came off the motorcycle into the road, in front of the ambulance. The ambulance had to slam on it's brakes, slinging paramedics and patients all over (they are all fine, patient had a broken foot). The blessing is that Ray had emergency care almost immediately. From here, we are not exactly sure of the chain of events. We believe he was taken by ambulance to the hospital in Columbia, where he was intubated by a dr. Apparently the paramedics weren't able to do that in the field. After he was intubated, he was flown to Forest General Hospital in Hattiesburg. There is an excellent trauma center here.
After CT scans, the trauma dr's sent for a neurosurgeon. He saw that Ray had a clot about the size of an egg both inside and outside the skull, that was putting pressure on his brain, and causing it to shift over (when and where permanent damage is usually done). He took him in to surgery almost immediately. They removed about a 3x4 piece of skull and removed most of the clot and repaired the few small places that were bleeding. Then replaced the piece of skull and sewed him up. The 2nd CT scan on Friday was much better. The dr showed Iris and I the scans, and we could even see the improvement with our untrained eyes. So Friday and Saturday were spent mostly sleeping in the ICU. Well, Ray slept, me not so much.
Saturday morning, they began testing him to see if he could breathe well enough to be removed from the ventilator. He passed the test, but became very rowdy when they backed off the sedatives, which caused his heart rate to go up. They decided to wait until Sunday morning to try again.
Over Saturday night into Sunday morning, he began to have very small seizures. Sunday morning, he passed his breathing tests, but the seizues were getting worse, so they did not take him off, and began upping seizure meds.
Monday, he spent pretty sedated all day, and seemed to be really resting well. He had a small filter inserted to catch any blood clots since he can't be on blood thinners. He had a small seizure around 10 am, then had not had anymore when we left after the 10 pm visitation. He then had 2 long seizures (1 was 11 min) overnight and early in the morning. The seizure meds were not as high in his bloodstream as they could be so, that was adjusted.
Tuesday, they decided to take him off the ventilator. The tube came out, and he was doing well with his breathing. The problem was that he was still having some small seizures, and it gets more dangerous to his brain if he does not get enough oxygen, and during the seizures, his breathing gets more erratic. So the decision was made to re-intubate him. They also inserted a pic line (sp?) that gets meds almost directly to the heart, getting them in his whole bloodstream way faster. So today we are back to where we were on Monday. Sedated and resting. It feels like a step back, but it is not really.
He does have a little bit of pneumonia, but is on antibiotics for that. It is important to note that seizures after brain trauma and/or surgery is very common. And that Pneumonia is pretty common when on a ventilator. So he is not doing anything outside the realm of normal results. A nerologist will be coming in today for a consult about how much of which medicines will be be best to get the seizures under control.
When he is out of the sedation a little, he can nod his head, and gave our friend Stefan a "thumb's up". He is not showing any signs of permanent damage at this time. Keep in mind that brain injuries can take up to 2 years to heal sometimes. But right now, all signs are positive for little or no damage.
The broken collarbone was a clean break. Since the normal treatment would be immobilization, and he is pretty immobile anyway, right now, they are not doing anything with it. Same for the broken vertebrae.
The kids know what happened and are with Ray's cousin Carol and her husband Terry, with Uncle Ivey and Aunt Linda, and Davy and a few others pinch-hitting. I went home Sunday night and slept, and saw them. They really seem to be adjusting well. Carol is a social worker for OCS, so I know she is helping them get their questions answered.
I am tired, but doing ok. Sunday and yesterday were hard. Renee and her husband brought her camper up here, and they let us put it in the hospital parking lot, so that is a huge plus. We slept last night in a big squishy king sized bed, and actually slept.
This hospital is fantastic. Everyone we have come into contact with has been so great. They talk to you. I do not have any plans to move him anywhere. I know it is inconvenient, but I really feel that he is getting the best care here, and that comes first.
I can't thank everybody enough for the visits, calls, prayers, money, just everything. Don't know what I would have done without all of you.
So, now we just wait.
Love to all of you,
Heather
**April 25, 2008**
Ray is still doing ok. He is off the ventilator, but still has the tube in in case he needs it. He did not have any seizures from 4am yesterday until about 5pm this evening. He was off most of the meds from around noon, and was somewhat responsive. When he had the seizure, they sedated him again, so he is not really waking up much. It kind of feels like a backward step, but it is really not. He is a little better, and is breathing on his own. He had a CT scan today, and it was decent, slightly better, but not much real change. No new bleeding or swelling, which is good. They did an EEG (brain) test today, but it doesn't really tell much, it would just have highlighted any major problems. There were none, so that is good too. The only real thing is the seizures. Those are still relatively normal, and are responsive to medication. That's about all that's going n, resting and waiting.
Thanks for the support.
Heather
** April 27, 2008
Still pretty much the same. Just waiting. He did open his eyes on his own this evening for about 20 seconds, and squeezed my hand and rubbed my finger a tiny bit. They are doing a traechostomy tomorrow, so that will get the breathing tube out of his throat. Hopefully, that will get him less agitated when he does wake up a little.
Thanks for all the support.
Went in for our 6:00 visit and Ray was AWAKE. He was just laying there looking around! He can't talk because of the trach, but he nods yes or no when you ask him questions. He gets a little agitated when he hurts, so he does get pain meds which make him sleepy, but other than that, no sedation. He said he does know where he is, and does remember the accident.
He had his trach done this morning, and a tube inserted to feed him, and both procedures went fine.
This is not over by any stretch, but I really feel like it was a MAJOR step. His nurse said he may even be able to go to a room tomorrow.
Thanks so much for everything!
Heather
** April 30, 2008
Yesterday evening, Ray was moved into a room in the ICU section of a long-term acute care section of the hospital. This is good because he is in a private room that does not have visiting hours set, so I can be with him whenever I want, pretty much. It is not so great because in the regular ICU, it was 1 to1 or 1 to 2 nursing, now they are taking care of a few more. Also, I got comfortable with having a nurse pretty much watching him most of the time. This facility has video cameras, and a nurse watches at a central desk. They also have monitors for his bp, respirations, etc. It is a little unnerving because I don't know how vigilant they are about watching the monitors and all. So I did not sleep worth a crap last night. He is awake alot, and is sitting up some. He is off the ventilator, getting a little oxygen through his trach. It is frustrating for both of us because he can't speak, but is mouthing words, but I don't know what he wants. I though that when he woke up, it would get easier, but I am actually way more stressed now. I just really hope that the staff is doing what they are supposed to when we are not here. They probably are, might just be my controlling nature taking over.
Keep us in your prayers,
Heather
** May 4, 2008**
I did not realize that I had not posted in a few days. All of my days are running together. Sorry!
Anyway. Ray is continuing to progress. He is now able to have clear liquids, meaning broth, jello and the like. He even got his coffee that he was asking for a few days ago. He has learned to speak with the little tube o his trach. Not everything he says makes sense, but that is no surprise. He sometimes starts talking about something, and we don't know his train of thought, so we are the ones that are lost. He still has his sense of humor. He winked at me and then told me not to tell anyone 'cause he might get a "rep".
There is a good possibility that he may have to have another small surgical procedure tomorrow. His incision site is draqining a good bit. The dr wants to make sure that it is just normal drainage after surgery, and not infection. So e will go into the incision and drain it. Shouldn't be too big a deal.
He is not running any fever, and has not had a seizures. If they do not do that procedure tomorrow, I anticipate a busy day. They don't do as much therapy stuff on weekends, so he'll have all of them tomorrow. If they do the surgery, I'd imagine they will skip it until Tuesday.
The girls came up with me today and saw him for the first time. He was able to speak to them, and hold their hands. I think they were shocked, but also relieved.
That's about all that's going on today. Thanks for all the messages and comments. I appreciate all of you!!
Heather
**May 6, 2008**
Ray had a small surgical procedure yesterday. They went in to open the incision site and drain and clean it. It went well, but after he woke up from the anesthesia, he was wild. He was popping the wrist restraints off and pulling at wires and tubes. He was trying to get out of the bed, and just generally making me crazy. The neurosurgeon came in to check him and saw him acting so agitated so he ordered some more pain meds. Then, before the nurse could give him the meds, a man across the wing had some kind of major emergency, so everyone had to rush to help him, so Ray did not get his medicine for like 30 more minutes. It was hard. The CNA did come tell me what the delay was, so that was good, but I was dealing with him for that 30 extra minutes. It was very rough.
When I got to his room this morning, he had been running a fever and it was around 103. They were giving him meds for it and waiting for a cooling blanket to be delivered. It finally came and his fever broke around 2:00. He has been sleeping alot today, with only a few moments of agitation. But nw his fever is going back up. There is a part of the brain that regulates your body temperature, and his is probably just freaking out fro all the trauma. They have run cultures on blood, urine, everything, and there is no infection showing in anything. SO hopefully this fever situation will resolve itself soon.
I know I have said this before, but I really REALLY appreciate everyones comments and messages. Even when I don't get a chance to answer,please know that you are all a part of keeping me sane right now!
**May 8,2008**
Today has been a pretty major day. Last night, Ray was changed to regular foods. So this morning, he started with a normal breakfast. His aunt and uncle came to visit, and after about an hour or so, I went to the cafeteria with them to get a bite of lunch. When we got back, Ray was sitting on the side of the bed with the Physical Therapist. Ray was really insistent that he could stand up, so the therapist said ok. So Ray stood up and then sat down about 4 times, then he stood up and took about 3 sideways steps, and did that about 3 times. He then proceeded to feed himself his lunch (1st time), even holding his glass of tea. Then he crashed and took a nap. It was so cool. Some of the staff came in his room just to see him up. He is exceeding even their expectations. As for me, I am trying to not even have any expectations.Then it's ALL good.
**May 10, 2008**
Starting yesterday, Ray has been walking the hallway. I came in, and he met me in the hall with the physical therapist. I was very shocked. The problem is that now that he is mobile, he does not want to stay in the bed where he belongs. He wants to GO. I am afraid that he is going to try to do too much, too fast. Those that have LEO's for husbands know what I mean. It's always BTTW. So I want him to progress, but he needs to cooperate with the therapists and the Dr's.
Everyhting else is pretty good. Went home last night and got a little done aroud my house, and had some dinner with friends. Now back to the routine.
**May 11, 2008**
Slow day today. I think he has done too much too quickly, and has worn himself out. He has mostly slept today, after having a really bad headache earlier today. He is walking pretty well. He even spent some time in the chair yesterday. Just very, very tired today. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
**May 12, 2008**
Today Ray walked around the unit, and then walked down the hall with the physical therapist. He wsa not feeling too good early in the day, but he began to feel better in the early afternoon. The dr will be removing his trach tomorrow morning. His ac broke in his room, so he was moved down the hall a little bit. This room is not on video, so I am a little nervous about that. But they did get him a bed with an alarm that works, so if he even sits up unaided, an alarm goes off. He ate well, and even had a shower. So now, if he will just stop talking crazy about 1/3 of the time, I may not completely lose my mind. His nurse tonight is really good, so I am about to go try to get some sleep. Just waoting for Ray to fall asleep. Overall, a pretty good day.
**May 14, 2008**
Another pretty good day. Ray is up and walking around on his own. He still has some stitches in his head, those will possibly be removed tomorrow. The dr wanted to leave them in a full two weeks, but there is a little redness around the stitches, so he said he may go on and take them out. We don't want to risk any infection. Especially since it is right on his forehead. We want to minimize scarring if possible. He still has his feeding tube in place, even though he is eating. The dr wanted to leave that until next week, to make sure that it healed well. So he is currently not attached to anything.
We found out today that he was accepted to Touro rehab hospital. He won't be moved until sometime next week. It is about an hour from my house, and visitation does not start until 4:00, so I should be able to go back to work. We will see.
There is bad weather here tonight, so I decided to stay here in the hospital instead of in the camper. I went to go take my shower, and run to Wal-Mart and Captain D's before the rain got bad. While I was gone, Ray decided I had been gone too long, so he went to the nurses station, twice , to see if they could find me. I was only gone about 45 min total. He walked down there with his gown on, and you know those things don't close in the back, and my pink house slippers on. They all think he is just great. They come see him after their shifts.
That's about it for tonight,
Heather
**May 18, 2008**
Friday Ray was transferred to Touro Rehab in New Orleans. The transfer went well, considering I drove him. Since he can walk, he was not able to be transferred by ambulance. It went ok, especially considering that we had bad weather for the last few days. It was raining, but not storming. We had to stop by the house to get his C-Pap, and his glasses. We then ran by my office for about 10 min so I could make some copies of his chart, and then we headed towards New Orleans. I had to drop him in front of the ER entrance and park the car in the parking garage, then run back across the street and hope nobody mugged him. He was fine, so we headed in. At first, I was not too down with the facility, but after meeting some of the nurses, therapists, and his dr's, it is fine. The building is really, really old, but other than that. Every one we have spoken to seems to be of the opinion that he won't be there long. He had evaluations all day yesterday, and begins his actual therapies tomorrow. This program is very intense, he has different therapies for a minimum of 3 hours a day. We can't even visit until after 4:00 because the patients are "busy". I think he is actually welcoming the challenge. He was ticked off today because they did not do anything. He is walking all over the place, and after his shower, he shaved. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it has been a month since he shaved himself. He does sometimes get depressed, and feels like he's not getting anywhere. I had to get pretty blunt with him, and tell him exactly where he was, so he would know better where he is at now. He seemed pretty shocked, but I think it helped. He has no recollection of the accident, or that day. Most of the patients there are severely damaged, so he waffles between thinking he must be bad because why else would he be there, and thinking he is going to kick butt and get home. We should have an idea of how long on Wednesday.
Everything else is going ok. School gets out on Wednesday, so I will have to re-work a bunch of scheduling conflicts with the kids. I guess I will be figuring that out on Thursday!
**may 20,2008**
Well, the last few days have been good. Ray is progressing well. He was deemed "ambulatory" by the physical therapist, so he no longer has to call for someone to be near him when he is walking. He does not have the alarm on that goes off when he gets up out of the bed. This is more of an emotional achievement more than a physical one. It is good for him to be "free", even though he's really not going anywhere. He is getting more and more back to himself every day. I was there from about 4:30 until 8:30, and there were no episodes of him not making sense. To my knowledge, he has not had any pain meds, not even Tylenol, in about 2 days. Keep in mind that he still has a broken collarbone and a broken vertebrae. The biggest problem is his emotional state. He is depressed a lot, and feels like he is causing everyone too much trouble. He misses the kids, and is disappointed that he can't go to camp with them as planned. I keep telling him that this is temporary, and he says he knows that. Hopefully tomorrow we will have a more definite timeline as to how long he will have to be there. The dr's and therapists are meeting, and then I will be talking to the case manager. All in all, it is going pretty good.
**May 22, 2008**
Great news!! Ray is scheduled to come home on TUESDAY! He is doing so well. It is unheard of to have an emergency craniotomy, and a broken back and come home 5 1/2 weeks later. I knew he was strong, but now everyone knows how strong and terrific he is. I am so proud of him.
For anyone that is not a Christian, I challenge you to read my past blogs, and find any other reason for the things that have happened. We have been so blessed.
**May 24, 2008**
Well, there was a slight change in plans. Ray came home today. He is doing so well that the insurance company said that they would not pay after tomorrow. I was a little ticked off, but the dr said that nothing was going on in-patient that could not be done out-patient. I think the emotional boost of being at home is going to help way more than stying an extra day or two. We got home around 3:00, talked with his aunt and uncle and his mother for a while, and now we are just chilling out watching Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. A friend from church is bringing us dinner at 5:00, and they have arranged dinner 4 nights a week for the next month. We are very blessed to have such a great church family.
**May 29, 2008**
Well, we have been home for 6 days now. It has been both good and bad. Ray had a dr's appointment today with his regular dr. She will be overseeing his meds and things like that. Well, she decided that it was stupid for him to have to wait a whole week more to have his feeding tube removed, so she called the gastro dr and after speaking with him, she removed the tube. It hurt him for a few minutes, and bled a good bit, but it is fine now. He has some soreness, like muscles, but otherwise is feeling well. We even ran a few errands (bank, etc.) after his appointment, and then ate lunch out. It was nice to be a couple again, not a nurse and patient.
Other than that, it's just tiring, feeling like I am on guard all the time. Looking to make sure that there is nothing on the floor for him to trip over, and things like that. I want to take care of him, but not aggravate him, which aggravates me. We have quite a few people coming by to see him, which helps his attitude greatly, but that means that I feel like I need to clean all the time. Don't bother telling me that no one is coming to see my house, my brain knows that. And I had a great group of frineds, my "house fairies" that came and cleaned my house for my shortly before we came back to Louisiana (between hospitals). So that helped. And boy did they get it, my house was badly neglected! Anyway, I have only cooked once since he came home. Our great church family is bringing dinner 4 nights a week. Good stuff, too.
That's about it for now. First therapy appointments are tomorrow. I think it will go well. He is doing so well, it it is unbelievable.
**June 13, 2008**
Hi everyone!
Just realized it's been like 2 weeks since I updated. Sorry.
Ray is doing so great. He is blowing away his therapists. I don't think this whole therapy thing is going to last long. He is doing so well. He sees his nerosurgeon on the 26th, and will see another dr to remove the filter that was placed in his leg. He only has some pain in his back, and his shoulder hurts when he lays on it wrong. Other than that, he is great. He is getting stronger, and his endurance is getting better.
A case manager at Touro told me a while back that she had never seen a police officer with his level of injury go bacfk to work. I told her then that she did not know Ray, and did not know the history of his recovery so far. It is still not a definite, but I really believe that he will go back to work. I don't want anyone, dr's or whatever, to judge him or put labels on him, or have expectations about him until they see him. He is not your typical head injury patient, by any stretch of the imagination. He is truly a walking miracle. He is really just now realizing that he almost died.
A little note for my LEO wife friends: just know that as prepared as we think we are in our minds to face the possible death of our spouse, it is so much worse. Because of what he does, I have dealt with the fears of losing him. The reality of truly almost losing him was way more intense. Seriously, hug your husband. Let all the petty shit go.
**June 27,2008**
Ray had his dr's appointments yesterday. They took out the filter that was inserted. Because it was inserted in his leg, we foolishly though it was coming out the same way. Nope. They took it out through his neck. (!?!) Fortunately, we only found out a few minutes beforehand, so not much time to freak out. It went fine though, just very sore, and a big bandage.
The neurosurgeons appointment was long, so I'll spare you some of that The upshot is that he is 98% recovered according to the dr. he is now able to drive again. The bad thing is that to be a police officer, you need to be 110%, so he is not released back to work. DUH, right? Well, because the dr based his opinions somewhat on what I said was going on with him, and a few examples I gave, he is seriously pissed at me. He feels like I "sold him out". Whatever. Never mind that I requested the next check be in 2 months instead of the 3 months the dr wanted. Never mind that I went back in after we left the office to ask about him driving. Never mind about all the good stuff I said, just focus on the negative, right? He does not even get the fact that his inability to recognize his own weaknesses at this point, just proves he's not ready. It is just easier to be mad at me about it, than to just deal with it. He goes off on this tangent about how we're gonna lose the house, he's goona lose his job, etc. And I get that it's hard for a man to not be able to control things, but come on! He does not get what has happened to him. He really doesn't understand. I swear, I wish I had video taped the whole damn ordeal, so he could see that going back to policing after 11 weeks is ludacris for someone with his injuries. Most people would still be in the hospital if not a nursing home. And he's pissed because he can't go to work?!?
Sorry for the vent. It's been a long day or so.
**August 12, 2008**
Hey everybody!
I realize that it has been forever since I posted an update. I don't really have a good excuse, just life moving on, I guess.
Ray is doing so amazingly well. He literally is better every day. He was on some major doses of seizure meds due to the post-op seizures, and it was not good. I think it just fell through the cracks that he was on such a high dose. The medication has some really weird side effects. So I called the neurosurgeon, and talked with his nurse, and she was blown away that he was on such a high dosage. He should have been on a preventitive dose, and was instead on a controlling dose. So anyway, we cut the dose in half for about 10 days, and now he has been off the medication since Sunday. So far, no seizures, and the side effects are pretty much gone. He knows I worry though, so he has been really great about calling me and letitng me know what he's doing, and where he's going. He is also being very vigilant about paying attention to how he's feeling, looking out for any weird feelings, or pre-seizure symptoms. So far, so good!
We went to a meeting at his work last week, and after some debate, he decided to go in uniform. It was the first time he had put his uniform on since the day before he wrecked. It was really cool, but it does not fit. We joke about his "crash diet". Seriously though, his work has been so great to him. And me.
I went back to work 2 weeks ago. It was good to be back, but very much of an adjustment. Not to mention a huge stack of work to catch up on. Then school started, so we are in the midst of finding our grooves as far as getting schedules arranged and so forth. It will all work out.
The motorcycle group that we rode with, The Blue Knights, is doing a raffle and poker run to benefit us. It makes me feel a little weird, but I am so thankful. We are just used to being the ones to go to these things to help othere. Not used to being the ones that need the help. It is new for us. And frankly needed. I was not paid for the entire time I was out, and Ray was only paid his straight salary. All my police wife buddies know that when you take away the OT and the details, it just doesn't go far. With the generousity of our friends and church family, we have been ok, but the uncertainty is unnerving. We are looking forward to this event.
Ray's next appointment is August 26. I really feel like he will be able to go back to work, at least light duty. We will see.
Thanks for all the good wishes and prayers. They continue to work. And I will try not to let so much time go by before an update.
**August 27, 2008**
Well, yesterday was a GREAT birthday for me. Ray had his dr's appointment in Hattiesburg. He was completely cleared and release to go back to work on September 8th!! Woohoo!! I keep calling him a freak of nature because it is just crazy that he could go through what he did, and be injured as badly as he was and be able to go back to work as a police officer in 4 1/2 months. It is unbelievable. I feel like calling the ever-so-helpful social worker at Touro that told me she had never seen a police officer with his injuries go back on the job. She tried to get me to call all these job training programs. I flat out told her she did not know my husband and had no idea what he was capable of. I feel like calling her and saying " NANANANANA!".
**September 15, 2008**
Ray is going back to work tonight. This has been such a journey. At times it seems like it has been years since the accident, and at other times I am very aware that it has only been 5 months. He has recovered faster than anyone could have ever hoped. I always knew that he was a strong person, and was definitely the most stubborn ass I've ever known, and now he has proved it to the world. I feel so blessed to have been a part of such a miracle. I know that God has even more amazing things in store for us.
April 23, 2008
OK. Just so everybody is on the same page, here's the scoop. Please keep in mind that this info is not all definite, just what we think happened based on what people saw. And we can't ask Ray right now...
On Thursday, around 2:30 ish, Ray was riding his motorcycle with some friends. He did have his helmet, gloves, long sleeves, etc on. He had attended a large law enforcement crawfish boil/picnic/training event in Foxworth MS. (right next to the middle of nowhere.) After the event, he and 2 friends were riding to a scenic area that is close called Red Bluffs. Mike got a little ahead of Ray and Shannon. Ray sped up to catch up to Mike, and at the same time that Ray came over a rise in the road, an ambulance came from the opposite way. Ray apparently shifted over for the ambulance and hit Mike. Mike saw him coming and was able to speed up a bit, so the impact was lessened. Mike was not hurt at all, and his bike was not even hurt badly. Ray came off the motorcycle into the road, in front of the ambulance. The ambulance had to slam on it's brakes, slinging paramedics and patients all over (they are all fine, patient had a broken foot). The blessing is that Ray had emergency care almost immediately. From here, we are not exactly sure of the chain of events. We believe he was taken by ambulance to the hospital in Columbia, where he was intubated by a dr. Apparently the paramedics weren't able to do that in the field. After he was intubated, he was flown to Forest General Hospital in Hattiesburg. There is an excellent trauma center here.
After CT scans, the trauma dr's sent for a neurosurgeon. He saw that Ray had a clot about the size of an egg both inside and outside the skull, that was putting pressure on his brain, and causing it to shift over (when and where permanent damage is usually done). He took him in to surgery almost immediately. They removed about a 3x4 piece of skull and removed most of the clot and repaired the few small places that were bleeding. Then replaced the piece of skull and sewed him up. The 2nd CT scan on Friday was much better. The dr showed Iris and I the scans, and we could even see the improvement with our untrained eyes. So Friday and Saturday were spent mostly sleeping in the ICU. Well, Ray slept, me not so much.
Saturday morning, they began testing him to see if he could breathe well enough to be removed from the ventilator. He passed the test, but became very rowdy when they backed off the sedatives, which caused his heart rate to go up. They decided to wait until Sunday morning to try again.
Over Saturday night into Sunday morning, he began to have very small seizures. Sunday morning, he passed his breathing tests, but the seizues were getting worse, so they did not take him off, and began upping seizure meds.
Monday, he spent pretty sedated all day, and seemed to be really resting well. He had a small filter inserted to catch any blood clots since he can't be on blood thinners. He had a small seizure around 10 am, then had not had anymore when we left after the 10 pm visitation. He then had 2 long seizures (1 was 11 min) overnight and early in the morning. The seizure meds were not as high in his bloodstream as they could be so, that was adjusted.
Tuesday, they decided to take him off the ventilator. The tube came out, and he was doing well with his breathing. The problem was that he was still having some small seizures, and it gets more dangerous to his brain if he does not get enough oxygen, and during the seizures, his breathing gets more erratic. So the decision was made to re-intubate him. They also inserted a pic line (sp?) that gets meds almost directly to the heart, getting them in his whole bloodstream way faster. So today we are back to where we were on Monday. Sedated and resting. It feels like a step back, but it is not really.
He does have a little bit of pneumonia, but is on antibiotics for that. It is important to note that seizures after brain trauma and/or surgery is very common. And that Pneumonia is pretty common when on a ventilator. So he is not doing anything outside the realm of normal results. A nerologist will be coming in today for a consult about how much of which medicines will be be best to get the seizures under control.
When he is out of the sedation a little, he can nod his head, and gave our friend Stefan a "thumb's up". He is not showing any signs of permanent damage at this time. Keep in mind that brain injuries can take up to 2 years to heal sometimes. But right now, all signs are positive for little or no damage.
The broken collarbone was a clean break. Since the normal treatment would be immobilization, and he is pretty immobile anyway, right now, they are not doing anything with it. Same for the broken vertebrae.
The kids know what happened and are with Ray's cousin Carol and her husband Terry, with Uncle Ivey and Aunt Linda, and Davy and a few others pinch-hitting. I went home Sunday night and slept, and saw them. They really seem to be adjusting well. Carol is a social worker for OCS, so I know she is helping them get their questions answered.
I am tired, but doing ok. Sunday and yesterday were hard. Renee and her husband brought her camper up here, and they let us put it in the hospital parking lot, so that is a huge plus. We slept last night in a big squishy king sized bed, and actually slept.
This hospital is fantastic. Everyone we have come into contact with has been so great. They talk to you. I do not have any plans to move him anywhere. I know it is inconvenient, but I really feel that he is getting the best care here, and that comes first.
I can't thank everybody enough for the visits, calls, prayers, money, just everything. Don't know what I would have done without all of you.
So, now we just wait.
Love to all of you,
Heather
**April 25, 2008**
Ray is still doing ok. He is off the ventilator, but still has the tube in in case he needs it. He did not have any seizures from 4am yesterday until about 5pm this evening. He was off most of the meds from around noon, and was somewhat responsive. When he had the seizure, they sedated him again, so he is not really waking up much. It kind of feels like a backward step, but it is really not. He is a little better, and is breathing on his own. He had a CT scan today, and it was decent, slightly better, but not much real change. No new bleeding or swelling, which is good. They did an EEG (brain) test today, but it doesn't really tell much, it would just have highlighted any major problems. There were none, so that is good too. The only real thing is the seizures. Those are still relatively normal, and are responsive to medication. That's about all that's going n, resting and waiting.
Thanks for the support.
Heather
** April 27, 2008
Still pretty much the same. Just waiting. He did open his eyes on his own this evening for about 20 seconds, and squeezed my hand and rubbed my finger a tiny bit. They are doing a traechostomy tomorrow, so that will get the breathing tube out of his throat. Hopefully, that will get him less agitated when he does wake up a little.
Thanks for all the support.
Went in for our 6:00 visit and Ray was AWAKE. He was just laying there looking around! He can't talk because of the trach, but he nods yes or no when you ask him questions. He gets a little agitated when he hurts, so he does get pain meds which make him sleepy, but other than that, no sedation. He said he does know where he is, and does remember the accident.
He had his trach done this morning, and a tube inserted to feed him, and both procedures went fine.
This is not over by any stretch, but I really feel like it was a MAJOR step. His nurse said he may even be able to go to a room tomorrow.
Thanks so much for everything!
Heather
** April 30, 2008
Yesterday evening, Ray was moved into a room in the ICU section of a long-term acute care section of the hospital. This is good because he is in a private room that does not have visiting hours set, so I can be with him whenever I want, pretty much. It is not so great because in the regular ICU, it was 1 to1 or 1 to 2 nursing, now they are taking care of a few more. Also, I got comfortable with having a nurse pretty much watching him most of the time. This facility has video cameras, and a nurse watches at a central desk. They also have monitors for his bp, respirations, etc. It is a little unnerving because I don't know how vigilant they are about watching the monitors and all. So I did not sleep worth a crap last night. He is awake alot, and is sitting up some. He is off the ventilator, getting a little oxygen through his trach. It is frustrating for both of us because he can't speak, but is mouthing words, but I don't know what he wants. I though that when he woke up, it would get easier, but I am actually way more stressed now. I just really hope that the staff is doing what they are supposed to when we are not here. They probably are, might just be my controlling nature taking over.
Keep us in your prayers,
Heather
** May 4, 2008**
I did not realize that I had not posted in a few days. All of my days are running together. Sorry!
Anyway. Ray is continuing to progress. He is now able to have clear liquids, meaning broth, jello and the like. He even got his coffee that he was asking for a few days ago. He has learned to speak with the little tube o his trach. Not everything he says makes sense, but that is no surprise. He sometimes starts talking about something, and we don't know his train of thought, so we are the ones that are lost. He still has his sense of humor. He winked at me and then told me not to tell anyone 'cause he might get a "rep".
There is a good possibility that he may have to have another small surgical procedure tomorrow. His incision site is draqining a good bit. The dr wants to make sure that it is just normal drainage after surgery, and not infection. So e will go into the incision and drain it. Shouldn't be too big a deal.
He is not running any fever, and has not had a seizures. If they do not do that procedure tomorrow, I anticipate a busy day. They don't do as much therapy stuff on weekends, so he'll have all of them tomorrow. If they do the surgery, I'd imagine they will skip it until Tuesday.
The girls came up with me today and saw him for the first time. He was able to speak to them, and hold their hands. I think they were shocked, but also relieved.
That's about all that's going on today. Thanks for all the messages and comments. I appreciate all of you!!
Heather
**May 6, 2008**
Ray had a small surgical procedure yesterday. They went in to open the incision site and drain and clean it. It went well, but after he woke up from the anesthesia, he was wild. He was popping the wrist restraints off and pulling at wires and tubes. He was trying to get out of the bed, and just generally making me crazy. The neurosurgeon came in to check him and saw him acting so agitated so he ordered some more pain meds. Then, before the nurse could give him the meds, a man across the wing had some kind of major emergency, so everyone had to rush to help him, so Ray did not get his medicine for like 30 more minutes. It was hard. The CNA did come tell me what the delay was, so that was good, but I was dealing with him for that 30 extra minutes. It was very rough.
When I got to his room this morning, he had been running a fever and it was around 103. They were giving him meds for it and waiting for a cooling blanket to be delivered. It finally came and his fever broke around 2:00. He has been sleeping alot today, with only a few moments of agitation. But nw his fever is going back up. There is a part of the brain that regulates your body temperature, and his is probably just freaking out fro all the trauma. They have run cultures on blood, urine, everything, and there is no infection showing in anything. SO hopefully this fever situation will resolve itself soon.
I know I have said this before, but I really REALLY appreciate everyones comments and messages. Even when I don't get a chance to answer,please know that you are all a part of keeping me sane right now!
**May 8,2008**
Today has been a pretty major day. Last night, Ray was changed to regular foods. So this morning, he started with a normal breakfast. His aunt and uncle came to visit, and after about an hour or so, I went to the cafeteria with them to get a bite of lunch. When we got back, Ray was sitting on the side of the bed with the Physical Therapist. Ray was really insistent that he could stand up, so the therapist said ok. So Ray stood up and then sat down about 4 times, then he stood up and took about 3 sideways steps, and did that about 3 times. He then proceeded to feed himself his lunch (1st time), even holding his glass of tea. Then he crashed and took a nap. It was so cool. Some of the staff came in his room just to see him up. He is exceeding even their expectations. As for me, I am trying to not even have any expectations.Then it's ALL good.
**May 10, 2008**
Starting yesterday, Ray has been walking the hallway. I came in, and he met me in the hall with the physical therapist. I was very shocked. The problem is that now that he is mobile, he does not want to stay in the bed where he belongs. He wants to GO. I am afraid that he is going to try to do too much, too fast. Those that have LEO's for husbands know what I mean. It's always BTTW. So I want him to progress, but he needs to cooperate with the therapists and the Dr's.
Everyhting else is pretty good. Went home last night and got a little done aroud my house, and had some dinner with friends. Now back to the routine.
**May 11, 2008**
Slow day today. I think he has done too much too quickly, and has worn himself out. He has mostly slept today, after having a really bad headache earlier today. He is walking pretty well. He even spent some time in the chair yesterday. Just very, very tired today. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
**May 12, 2008**
Today Ray walked around the unit, and then walked down the hall with the physical therapist. He wsa not feeling too good early in the day, but he began to feel better in the early afternoon. The dr will be removing his trach tomorrow morning. His ac broke in his room, so he was moved down the hall a little bit. This room is not on video, so I am a little nervous about that. But they did get him a bed with an alarm that works, so if he even sits up unaided, an alarm goes off. He ate well, and even had a shower. So now, if he will just stop talking crazy about 1/3 of the time, I may not completely lose my mind. His nurse tonight is really good, so I am about to go try to get some sleep. Just waoting for Ray to fall asleep. Overall, a pretty good day.
**May 14, 2008**
Another pretty good day. Ray is up and walking around on his own. He still has some stitches in his head, those will possibly be removed tomorrow. The dr wanted to leave them in a full two weeks, but there is a little redness around the stitches, so he said he may go on and take them out. We don't want to risk any infection. Especially since it is right on his forehead. We want to minimize scarring if possible. He still has his feeding tube in place, even though he is eating. The dr wanted to leave that until next week, to make sure that it healed well. So he is currently not attached to anything.
We found out today that he was accepted to Touro rehab hospital. He won't be moved until sometime next week. It is about an hour from my house, and visitation does not start until 4:00, so I should be able to go back to work. We will see.
There is bad weather here tonight, so I decided to stay here in the hospital instead of in the camper. I went to go take my shower, and run to Wal-Mart and Captain D's before the rain got bad. While I was gone, Ray decided I had been gone too long, so he went to the nurses station, twice , to see if they could find me. I was only gone about 45 min total. He walked down there with his gown on, and you know those things don't close in the back, and my pink house slippers on. They all think he is just great. They come see him after their shifts.
That's about it for tonight,
Heather
**May 18, 2008**
Friday Ray was transferred to Touro Rehab in New Orleans. The transfer went well, considering I drove him. Since he can walk, he was not able to be transferred by ambulance. It went ok, especially considering that we had bad weather for the last few days. It was raining, but not storming. We had to stop by the house to get his C-Pap, and his glasses. We then ran by my office for about 10 min so I could make some copies of his chart, and then we headed towards New Orleans. I had to drop him in front of the ER entrance and park the car in the parking garage, then run back across the street and hope nobody mugged him. He was fine, so we headed in. At first, I was not too down with the facility, but after meeting some of the nurses, therapists, and his dr's, it is fine. The building is really, really old, but other than that. Every one we have spoken to seems to be of the opinion that he won't be there long. He had evaluations all day yesterday, and begins his actual therapies tomorrow. This program is very intense, he has different therapies for a minimum of 3 hours a day. We can't even visit until after 4:00 because the patients are "busy". I think he is actually welcoming the challenge. He was ticked off today because they did not do anything. He is walking all over the place, and after his shower, he shaved. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it has been a month since he shaved himself. He does sometimes get depressed, and feels like he's not getting anywhere. I had to get pretty blunt with him, and tell him exactly where he was, so he would know better where he is at now. He seemed pretty shocked, but I think it helped. He has no recollection of the accident, or that day. Most of the patients there are severely damaged, so he waffles between thinking he must be bad because why else would he be there, and thinking he is going to kick butt and get home. We should have an idea of how long on Wednesday.
Everything else is going ok. School gets out on Wednesday, so I will have to re-work a bunch of scheduling conflicts with the kids. I guess I will be figuring that out on Thursday!
**may 20,2008**
Well, the last few days have been good. Ray is progressing well. He was deemed "ambulatory" by the physical therapist, so he no longer has to call for someone to be near him when he is walking. He does not have the alarm on that goes off when he gets up out of the bed. This is more of an emotional achievement more than a physical one. It is good for him to be "free", even though he's really not going anywhere. He is getting more and more back to himself every day. I was there from about 4:30 until 8:30, and there were no episodes of him not making sense. To my knowledge, he has not had any pain meds, not even Tylenol, in about 2 days. Keep in mind that he still has a broken collarbone and a broken vertebrae. The biggest problem is his emotional state. He is depressed a lot, and feels like he is causing everyone too much trouble. He misses the kids, and is disappointed that he can't go to camp with them as planned. I keep telling him that this is temporary, and he says he knows that. Hopefully tomorrow we will have a more definite timeline as to how long he will have to be there. The dr's and therapists are meeting, and then I will be talking to the case manager. All in all, it is going pretty good.
**May 22, 2008**
Great news!! Ray is scheduled to come home on TUESDAY! He is doing so well. It is unheard of to have an emergency craniotomy, and a broken back and come home 5 1/2 weeks later. I knew he was strong, but now everyone knows how strong and terrific he is. I am so proud of him.
For anyone that is not a Christian, I challenge you to read my past blogs, and find any other reason for the things that have happened. We have been so blessed.
**May 24, 2008**
Well, there was a slight change in plans. Ray came home today. He is doing so well that the insurance company said that they would not pay after tomorrow. I was a little ticked off, but the dr said that nothing was going on in-patient that could not be done out-patient. I think the emotional boost of being at home is going to help way more than stying an extra day or two. We got home around 3:00, talked with his aunt and uncle and his mother for a while, and now we are just chilling out watching Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. A friend from church is bringing us dinner at 5:00, and they have arranged dinner 4 nights a week for the next month. We are very blessed to have such a great church family.
**May 29, 2008**
Well, we have been home for 6 days now. It has been both good and bad. Ray had a dr's appointment today with his regular dr. She will be overseeing his meds and things like that. Well, she decided that it was stupid for him to have to wait a whole week more to have his feeding tube removed, so she called the gastro dr and after speaking with him, she removed the tube. It hurt him for a few minutes, and bled a good bit, but it is fine now. He has some soreness, like muscles, but otherwise is feeling well. We even ran a few errands (bank, etc.) after his appointment, and then ate lunch out. It was nice to be a couple again, not a nurse and patient.
Other than that, it's just tiring, feeling like I am on guard all the time. Looking to make sure that there is nothing on the floor for him to trip over, and things like that. I want to take care of him, but not aggravate him, which aggravates me. We have quite a few people coming by to see him, which helps his attitude greatly, but that means that I feel like I need to clean all the time. Don't bother telling me that no one is coming to see my house, my brain knows that. And I had a great group of frineds, my "house fairies" that came and cleaned my house for my shortly before we came back to Louisiana (between hospitals). So that helped. And boy did they get it, my house was badly neglected! Anyway, I have only cooked once since he came home. Our great church family is bringing dinner 4 nights a week. Good stuff, too.
That's about it for now. First therapy appointments are tomorrow. I think it will go well. He is doing so well, it it is unbelievable.
**June 13, 2008**
Hi everyone!
Just realized it's been like 2 weeks since I updated. Sorry.
Ray is doing so great. He is blowing away his therapists. I don't think this whole therapy thing is going to last long. He is doing so well. He sees his nerosurgeon on the 26th, and will see another dr to remove the filter that was placed in his leg. He only has some pain in his back, and his shoulder hurts when he lays on it wrong. Other than that, he is great. He is getting stronger, and his endurance is getting better.
A case manager at Touro told me a while back that she had never seen a police officer with his level of injury go bacfk to work. I told her then that she did not know Ray, and did not know the history of his recovery so far. It is still not a definite, but I really believe that he will go back to work. I don't want anyone, dr's or whatever, to judge him or put labels on him, or have expectations about him until they see him. He is not your typical head injury patient, by any stretch of the imagination. He is truly a walking miracle. He is really just now realizing that he almost died.
A little note for my LEO wife friends: just know that as prepared as we think we are in our minds to face the possible death of our spouse, it is so much worse. Because of what he does, I have dealt with the fears of losing him. The reality of truly almost losing him was way more intense. Seriously, hug your husband. Let all the petty shit go.
**June 27,2008**
Ray had his dr's appointments yesterday. They took out the filter that was inserted. Because it was inserted in his leg, we foolishly though it was coming out the same way. Nope. They took it out through his neck. (!?!) Fortunately, we only found out a few minutes beforehand, so not much time to freak out. It went fine though, just very sore, and a big bandage.
The neurosurgeons appointment was long, so I'll spare you some of that The upshot is that he is 98% recovered according to the dr. he is now able to drive again. The bad thing is that to be a police officer, you need to be 110%, so he is not released back to work. DUH, right? Well, because the dr based his opinions somewhat on what I said was going on with him, and a few examples I gave, he is seriously pissed at me. He feels like I "sold him out". Whatever. Never mind that I requested the next check be in 2 months instead of the 3 months the dr wanted. Never mind that I went back in after we left the office to ask about him driving. Never mind about all the good stuff I said, just focus on the negative, right? He does not even get the fact that his inability to recognize his own weaknesses at this point, just proves he's not ready. It is just easier to be mad at me about it, than to just deal with it. He goes off on this tangent about how we're gonna lose the house, he's goona lose his job, etc. And I get that it's hard for a man to not be able to control things, but come on! He does not get what has happened to him. He really doesn't understand. I swear, I wish I had video taped the whole damn ordeal, so he could see that going back to policing after 11 weeks is ludacris for someone with his injuries. Most people would still be in the hospital if not a nursing home. And he's pissed because he can't go to work?!?
Sorry for the vent. It's been a long day or so.
**August 12, 2008**
Hey everybody!
I realize that it has been forever since I posted an update. I don't really have a good excuse, just life moving on, I guess.
Ray is doing so amazingly well. He literally is better every day. He was on some major doses of seizure meds due to the post-op seizures, and it was not good. I think it just fell through the cracks that he was on such a high dose. The medication has some really weird side effects. So I called the neurosurgeon, and talked with his nurse, and she was blown away that he was on such a high dosage. He should have been on a preventitive dose, and was instead on a controlling dose. So anyway, we cut the dose in half for about 10 days, and now he has been off the medication since Sunday. So far, no seizures, and the side effects are pretty much gone. He knows I worry though, so he has been really great about calling me and letitng me know what he's doing, and where he's going. He is also being very vigilant about paying attention to how he's feeling, looking out for any weird feelings, or pre-seizure symptoms. So far, so good!
We went to a meeting at his work last week, and after some debate, he decided to go in uniform. It was the first time he had put his uniform on since the day before he wrecked. It was really cool, but it does not fit. We joke about his "crash diet". Seriously though, his work has been so great to him. And me.
I went back to work 2 weeks ago. It was good to be back, but very much of an adjustment. Not to mention a huge stack of work to catch up on. Then school started, so we are in the midst of finding our grooves as far as getting schedules arranged and so forth. It will all work out.
The motorcycle group that we rode with, The Blue Knights, is doing a raffle and poker run to benefit us. It makes me feel a little weird, but I am so thankful. We are just used to being the ones to go to these things to help othere. Not used to being the ones that need the help. It is new for us. And frankly needed. I was not paid for the entire time I was out, and Ray was only paid his straight salary. All my police wife buddies know that when you take away the OT and the details, it just doesn't go far. With the generousity of our friends and church family, we have been ok, but the uncertainty is unnerving. We are looking forward to this event.
Ray's next appointment is August 26. I really feel like he will be able to go back to work, at least light duty. We will see.
Thanks for all the good wishes and prayers. They continue to work. And I will try not to let so much time go by before an update.
**August 27, 2008**
Well, yesterday was a GREAT birthday for me. Ray had his dr's appointment in Hattiesburg. He was completely cleared and release to go back to work on September 8th!! Woohoo!! I keep calling him a freak of nature because it is just crazy that he could go through what he did, and be injured as badly as he was and be able to go back to work as a police officer in 4 1/2 months. It is unbelievable. I feel like calling the ever-so-helpful social worker at Touro that told me she had never seen a police officer with his injuries go back on the job. She tried to get me to call all these job training programs. I flat out told her she did not know my husband and had no idea what he was capable of. I feel like calling her and saying " NANANANANA!".
**September 15, 2008**
Ray is going back to work tonight. This has been such a journey. At times it seems like it has been years since the accident, and at other times I am very aware that it has only been 5 months. He has recovered faster than anyone could have ever hoped. I always knew that he was a strong person, and was definitely the most stubborn ass I've ever known, and now he has proved it to the world. I feel so blessed to have been a part of such a miracle. I know that God has even more amazing things in store for us.
Friday, May 6, 2011
I Knew A Hero
This week we had to bury a hero. You can google his name and read the news stories, or read his obituary, and learn about his death. And he did die a hero's death. But I want to tell about his life. Because while it is very easy to put him on a pedestal for the way he died, he was heroic also for the way he lived.
Lt Wade Sharp was not perfect. He smoked. He drank on occasion. He cussed. Alot sometimes. He was impatient. He did no suffer fools. He had a failed marriage behind him. He made mistakes. These are all things that made him who he was. And I can tell you that in the 16 plus years that I knew him, I loved who he was, faults and all. He loved his job (most of the time), and hated the politics that goes along with it. He loved his family, and hated the complications that loving a family can bring with it. He bragged on his officers, but never himself. He was proud not only of his children's accomplishments, but of who they were as people. He was an example of how to be a good Law Enforcement Officer and a good father and husband at the same time. It was not always that way, but Wade had fought hard for balance, and had done it in front of the eyes of the whole department. His brother, another officer, blossomed into an excellent single father, and it's my opinion that Wade was at least one example he was following. A husband and wife are supposed to enhance each other. Bring out the best in one another. If you have spent any time around Wade and his wife, you know that they had this part figured out. She told someone recently that she lost her best friend. And that is how a marriage is supposed to be, best friends. Wade worked at that too.
My personal stories of working with Wade are too numerous to tell. My most vivid memories are after Katrina. Wade attempted to drive me home to make contact with my family the evening after the hurricane. We only made it about 3/4 of a mile from town. We tried 3 other routes, taking about 2 hours, never making it to my house. Wade was talking the whole time to keep my mind off of the fact that I did not know how my kids, or home, or anything was. The next night, we tried again, and got about 1 1/2 miles from home and he walked with me through all the trees down, and brush, until we got to my house. It always stayed with me that it was not his responsibility to do that, but he did because he cared. He cared about other people. And he cared enough not to laugh at me when I got lost in my front yard that night, tripped over a tree branch, and cut my forehead. He did not share his flashlight though. Only 1 battery for the whole night, you know!
Lt Wade Sharp worked hard at his jobs. Police officer, father, husband, brother, friend, son, mentor. It does not matter how you knew him. What I would like people to know is that although it was his child with him that morning, I believe that he would have protected any child the same way. I think he would have made the same decision again, if he had to. It's what he did. He was a hero.
Lt Wade Sharp was not perfect. He smoked. He drank on occasion. He cussed. Alot sometimes. He was impatient. He did no suffer fools. He had a failed marriage behind him. He made mistakes. These are all things that made him who he was. And I can tell you that in the 16 plus years that I knew him, I loved who he was, faults and all. He loved his job (most of the time), and hated the politics that goes along with it. He loved his family, and hated the complications that loving a family can bring with it. He bragged on his officers, but never himself. He was proud not only of his children's accomplishments, but of who they were as people. He was an example of how to be a good Law Enforcement Officer and a good father and husband at the same time. It was not always that way, but Wade had fought hard for balance, and had done it in front of the eyes of the whole department. His brother, another officer, blossomed into an excellent single father, and it's my opinion that Wade was at least one example he was following. A husband and wife are supposed to enhance each other. Bring out the best in one another. If you have spent any time around Wade and his wife, you know that they had this part figured out. She told someone recently that she lost her best friend. And that is how a marriage is supposed to be, best friends. Wade worked at that too.
My personal stories of working with Wade are too numerous to tell. My most vivid memories are after Katrina. Wade attempted to drive me home to make contact with my family the evening after the hurricane. We only made it about 3/4 of a mile from town. We tried 3 other routes, taking about 2 hours, never making it to my house. Wade was talking the whole time to keep my mind off of the fact that I did not know how my kids, or home, or anything was. The next night, we tried again, and got about 1 1/2 miles from home and he walked with me through all the trees down, and brush, until we got to my house. It always stayed with me that it was not his responsibility to do that, but he did because he cared. He cared about other people. And he cared enough not to laugh at me when I got lost in my front yard that night, tripped over a tree branch, and cut my forehead. He did not share his flashlight though. Only 1 battery for the whole night, you know!
Lt Wade Sharp worked hard at his jobs. Police officer, father, husband, brother, friend, son, mentor. It does not matter how you knew him. What I would like people to know is that although it was his child with him that morning, I believe that he would have protected any child the same way. I think he would have made the same decision again, if he had to. It's what he did. He was a hero.
Friday, January 14, 2011
When Taking the High Road Gets You Run Over
Without getting too specific, I have recently watchd a very dear friend go through a rough time along with her child and a situation at school. It has blossomed into an unbelievable mess. And through it all, I, along with several other close friends encouraged her to follow the proper procedures, not sink to lower levels, be the bigger person, blah blah blah. Take the high road. To me, it was not only about Mom, and her reactions to injustice, but a teaching moment each time for her daughter. I believe we should use these situations to teach our kids patience, tolerance for others, honesty, good virtues in general. And it got harder each time to do what as a Christian I know I should, and encourage her to "turn the other cheek". How do you keep encouraging a child to do that? How many times? It's just difficult to watch when injustice happens to people you care about. And I am fully aware that in the big picture, where people go hungry, and real injustice means death for people who are different or worship differently, that this is a tiny thing, but for our circle of loved ones it still stings. So as long as there is a high road, I will still encourage it, and take it when I can. But I will also seek justice just as hard as I can. And to my friend on the high road holding her daughter's hand, I know it's hard, but if you look behind you, there is a whole bus load of us behind you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)