This past spring I had about 3 weeks of what seemed like pure loss. My friends and family suffered 3 deaths. A hard aspect of this is that it was a close work friend, a family member on my husbands side and my maternal grandmother, so I had three unconnected support systems. Well, really only 2 but that's another story for another day. These deaths were due to a crazy accident, an illness unknown to most of the family, and the end of a long life lived out. How the ends came is not the point here. I learned from each and am still processing the lessons.
I realized just how much I don't know about my grandmother. After a memorial service that I was so blessed and thankful to be able to get to attend, I spend a few hours hanging out with my aunts and cousins looking at photo albums and talking. We laughed alot and I heard stories that I had never heard before. But the main thing that stood out was some of the pictures. There were pictures of our grandmother on a girls weekend. A girls weekend?? The grandmother who NEVER did anything for herself? Always doing for others? Took time for herself, to enjoy herself? And she was having a blast! Now I wonder what else I did not know. Was our grandfather her first love? How did she feel on her wedding day? Did she ever wish she had more children? Regret never having a son? A million questions and now the time has passed to ask them.
So now I wonder how, and when, and what to tell my kids. What will they want to know about me? Have I shared enough? Too much too soon? Is it too simplistic too hope that a blog can accomplish some of this? Who knows. What I do know is that there will never be as much time as you think there will be. You could live to be 100, and for the ones who love you, it will never be enough.
Ask the questions. Make a margarita or open a bottle of wine if you have to, but talk about some of this stuff. Buy a journal and write it down. They make fill in the blank Dad books, Grandmother books, etc. Buy one of those if you don't know where to start. Just do something.
Think of the two 10 year old girls who lost their fathers this April. Think of the fathers who cannot share their personal history with their kids. I do, and I will. Love you always, Kendall and Wade.
I had the pleasure of being the recipient of my grandmother's sister's diary, dated 1935-1940. It's amazing. I found family secrets, long buried. I found a whole new aspect to my grandmother's and my great aunt's personalities. I finally understand their funny little grins directed at each other at certain moments along the years. And I have fresh, new insight into their lives and how and why they did and said certain things throughout the years. It's a gem and I will cherish it for as long as I live. I agree with you...share those stories. If you can't do it yourself, in person, put them in a journal and lock them away until the time is right.
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