I have been absent from my blog posting for a bit because I have a lot to say,and at the same time, so much that can't be talked about. Not because it's not worth talking about, but it is not really mine to talk about. Necessarily vague. If you are close to my family, you know.

     All that has happened lately has made me very aware of how old my kids are. Em is 14. She is the least needy of the bunch, and really wants to be left alone most of the time. You know the type. Throw some food in the cave every now and then. But the fact is, she is the youngest child. Because of the events of the last two years I have found my self in a very weird place. I know that at some point, usually the parents become more needy than the children, causing a shift in the structure of the family. By necessity, because I can't drive anymore, I have become dependent on two of my children for transportation already, and I am not liking it so much. At first I was pretty amazed, and very thankful that I was ok with being the perpetual passenger. Before, I liked to drive. All the time. When we went anywhere, I almost always drove. All about the power, I guess. And now, it's not that I want to drive, it's that I am tired of having to ask. To arrange. To figure it out. And to miss things when it doesn't "work out". And I still have to arrange for Emily. It is a cycle of never ending guilt, and I'm pretty tired of it. But It won't be ending anytime soon. Like ever.