When Filters Get Clogged

Because Ray and I have made a conscious decision that divorce will not be an option for us, the cosmos he's played many jokes on us. Several major health scares, financial (all but) ruin, job losses, parental death, sick kids, we have run the track. So in the course of our marriage, in order to avoid felony charges, we have at different times, both together and individually, spent time on therapists couches. We have never spent a LONG time ( though maybe we should :)) with any one therapist, but we have definitely learned some things from each.

It's all our parent's faults.

Haha. Just kidding. Really the main thing we learned has come into play here recently with my whole health debacle. The therapist ( using that term because I can't remember what she was, psychiatrist, psychologist, whatever) told us that each person hears things through the filter of their own experiences, feelings, etc., and that what you say may not be what that person "hears". I found that very interesting because it seems to be very simple yet very true. I know I have often spoken to people about one thing, and gotten a totally off the wall reaction about something else. Filter clogged! Just saying this has become a diffuser when there is a misunderstanding. Instead of "That's NOT what I said, you big stubborn jackass!", I say, "Your filter is clogged, because that is not what I said or meant." And then I mumble "jackass" under my breath. Marriage is a living, evolving thing. 

My point is this, when you have a communication problem, is the other person's filter clogged? Are they responding to what they think you said or meant? 

Man, I am insightful after getting up at 4 am and drinking 2 cups of coffee........