Losing Plates Left and Right

It's been 8 months since my last blog post. If you know me, you pretty much know why. If you follow my blog, but don't know me personally, I guess I'll catch you up.

On May 30, I had a "semi-emergency" surgery to remove a hemorrhagic cystic ovary. I was in a good deal of pain, but it was not life threatening, so we had to wait 1 extra day for insurance approval. The surgery went well, and off I went to recovery. Sometime that night, I stopped breathing, and experienced both a stroke and a heart "event" called Broken Heart Syndrome. It has a Latin name also, but is essentially a shock induced very mild heart attack. So mild in the heart attack arena that they don't like to call it that much. Still, it it what it is. So, I wake up the next day with tubes in my throat, in the ICU where I stayed for several days ( I am simplifying this, I moved in and out a few times) and can't see at all out of my left eye, and everything is very blurry in my right. AND the tube in my throat keeps me from telling anyone. I was not a happy camper to say the least. I learned later about the whole "Code Blue" all over the hospital, and all the chaos. In true Ray fashion, the nurses could not see to intubate me, and asked for a light. He whips his pocket Mag-light out of his pocket and hops right up into the middle of the group SAVING MY LIFE! I guess the nurses figured any flashlight would work, because they used they very unsterile pocket light, and it worked. I stayed almost 2 weeks, saw 7 different drs and 3 different therapists. I left wearing a Life Vest, a wearable, portable defibrillator. Major pain in the neck. It alarmed often but never shocked me. I was EXTREMEMLY dizzy all the time, still totally blind in my left eye, and almost blind in my right. 

Fast forward to today. I completed a few months of physical therapy and went from being dependent on a rolling walker to being able to walk on my own. I do have days where I look like I've had a few drinks. I can't drive at all, and won't be able to again. I had to leave my job dispatching at the police department and that was really hard. Not only do I miss doing the job, we need the money (duh), but I miss all my PD friends. Everyone says they will still be around, but that wasn't true before I had to quit, when I was just out in medical leave. I just have to acknowledge that I viewed some people as friends when they viewed me as a co-worker. 

My vision in my right eye is better. The nerves jump back and forth, a little bit on good days, crazy on bad days, so I move my head sometimes to see. I can read on my Kindle when it is on it's largest setting and I have my thick glasses on. I can type and use FB and such on my iPad so that I can enlarge stuff. My left eye has a teeny bit of peripheral vision, but a big blob right in the middle. Puny on a pair of sunglasses, then put a pat of butter in the middle of the left lense. That's the closest I can get it describing it. The eye specialist believes this is as good as it will get. The retinal nerves are damaged and they do not regenerate like some other nerves.

I am still dizzy, almost all the time. I feel like I have had about 2 glasses of wine on an empty stomach. I don't fall often, but when I do, it's more funny than traumatic. I have only scared and hurt myself once, and that wasn't even bad. My dr does not really have any answers to why I am so dizzy.

My family spent their whole summer taking care of me. Especially Amanda. She became my driver, and drove Ms Daisy to A LOT of doc appointments. And if you know me and Amanda, we are just alike, which made for some interesting rides. I have been told in the past that I have some control issues. Believe me, this has cured that!! Amanda may disagree when it comes to her driving my car, though.

Sarah and Emily spent a lot of time watching tv with me, laying in my bed. They did everything for me that I asked and more.

I am at the point of making a routine for myself. I jokingly (somewhat truthfully) say that if a car pulls into my driveway, I get into it. I have learned to knit with my eyes closed, and have begun to sew again. That entails a lot of ripping seams out that I messed up, but I am trying. And I baked cookies this week. Over 6 months since I baked cookies. It seems like such a little thing until you can't do it.

So, I have had to let a few plates hit the ground and try to be ok with it. And I think I will be, eventually.